6 Self-Soothing Techniques for When You’re Losing Your Shit
We’ve all been there.
Those moments when you feel the heat rising between your ears. Your face is hot. Your body is tense. You’re ready to explode. There is something scientific to the old adage about “walking away” when you feel upset. This is because of what happens in our brains when we’re in a threat response. In effect, we slip into a part of our mid-brain called the amygdala. In this moment, the amygdala functions a bit like a trap door. So long as the “threat” is present and imminent, we’re stuck. And when we’re stuck behind in the trap door, not much good can happen! So, the first step when we feel under attack in this way is to walk away. Get physical distance between you and the trigger. Bathroom breaks are a welcome distraction for our brains in these moments. Even better, take yourself outside.
Once you’ve got some space and the trap door has released, try one of the following techniques to help soothe your nervous system.
one
Ground, Sounds, Breath.
Notice the ground beneath your feet. Push down through the balls of your feet, toes, and heels. Notice the sounds around you, one by one. Become aware of your breath. Follow your inhales all the way in, and your exhales all the way out. Repeat.
two
External Awareness.
When we're losing our shit, we tend to only notice what's happening on the inside. Instead, begin to take stock of your external environment. Let your eyes wander without trying to control where they look. Simply notice whatever they land on. Tune in to each of your five senses, one by one.
three
Hold Your Breath.
If you're so worked up that it feels hard to catch your breath, go ahead and follow your body's cue. That's right, take a deep breath in and hold it for as a long as you possibly can. When you don't think you can hold it any longer, take another breath on top of the first, then slowly exhale, pushing every last bit of air out of your lungs. Repeat.
four
Imaginary Ball Slam.
Raise both arms over your head and imagine that you're holding a very heavy ball. Pretend to slam the ball into the ground with all your might. Repeat.
five
Change Your Immediate Surroundings.
"Just walk away", though cliché, is rooted in some important neuroscience. When our threat response is activated, the parts of our brain responsible for reason literally go offline. This explains why we oftentimes behave irrationally when we're worked up. So, walk away to let your thinking brain come back online.
six
Cool Off.
A sudden change in temperature can do wonders for our ability to regulate our emotions. Splash cold water on your face, run cool water over your hands and forearms, or even jump in the shower or another cold body of water whenever you feel heated.
Now that you’ve calmed down a bit, how will you plan to revisit the conversation or situation that triggered this reaction to begin with? If you’re interested in learning more about how to understand and talk about difficult feelings in moments like these, check out my free training on the matter. You can sign up here, or email me to get your copy at hello@jordangrob.com.
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